Attention: A massive desire for a single reaction
I am sitting in my bed, have signed out of Live Messenger, wondering when I started needing all of the attention. I feel ridiculously pathetic; partially because I accidentally skipped some things during the weekend. I’m feeling low about that. But realistically, practically, I don’t know when I suddenly really wanted to be talking to/laughing with/playing with/happy with someone all of the time.
I’ve never really wanted that. Seriously. I’ve never looked for anything like that from someone or something, because I’ve never wanted or needed it. Needing something is dangerous, and worrisome; it opens you up to get hurt.
And I’m afraid, okay? I am. Half the time, I want to bolt. I don’t want to get hurt, feel bad, be worried about feeling bad or getting hurt. I’ve already had that, thanks. The other half, I’m either with you or wanting to be.
And it’s exhausting. I’m tired. But not too tired to try and figure it out, because this is worth it.
EDIT: You’re so bi-polar with your actions. Keep it consistent, idiot.
